Turning 37

Okay, so I'm turning 37 in a couple days, which I must say is a bit surreal for me. It's not that I "feel old" or that I think that my "life is passing me by" or anything like that. Actually I'm inclined to say that I've lived more than most 40 year olds. No, I guess the only problem I have with it is that I expected to be at a different place in my life now.

I realize that that this is silly because I actually have alot to be greatful for at my age. I'm almost 37, but I've raised 4 wonderful children, I have a husband who still makes my stomach do flip-flops when he kisses me (which is saying alot after 18+ years of marriage). I have a successful company, a wonderful family and I have my health, so what else is there?

Well, that's an interesting question, because of course, there is still soooo much more. There are the hundred little goals and dreams that I thought I would have accomplished by now. I do realize that I have been shooting for the stars, so I guess it's selfish to be pissed off because I only reached the top of the mountain so far. That's okay, because I'm not done yet.

A while back I was having coffee with my mom and she shared an interesting philosophy with me. She is 62 and she lost my step-father 5 years ago after 22 years together. Over the years she has had to heal, and learn to stand on her own again. And don't even get me started on the disasters that dating has presented over the past couple years. But, she is getting there despite all of it, and she looks younger and more alive as time goes on. Anyway, we were talking and she said something that fascinated me. She said that she feels that she has reached her half-life at 62. She said that she was going back to school and didn't see any reason why she couldn't start on this adventure for the 2nd half of her life with the kind of attitude she had at 25 or 30. Only now, of course, she's even more savvy.

I thought about that and it really left an impression on me. I realized that she is right. There is no reason to feel like I have missed anything. I still have plenty of time and I'm a much better player in this game of life than I was a few years back. So, I'm still shooting for the stars, but I'm not sweating it. I've got plenty to do, but plenty of time to get it done.

In the meantime, I'm turning 37. My husband's the one who has to contend with my birthday on Valentine's Day (so he gets double pressure). He usually does alright though. Of course, he's had 18 years of practice. =)

Date Night

Okay, so my husband and I started a ritual many years ago that has kept our marriage alive and wonderful. We go on a date every Saturday night. We don't just "go out", but we actually go on a date. This means that I get dressed like I would for a date. I look fabulous and so does he. I spend the whole night flirting with him and he does the same with me. It is wonderful!

What this really means is that once a week, I get to be the beautiful woman who married a handsome man, instead of being a mom exclusively. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a mom (after all, I did it 4 times - 3 of those by the time I was 20 years old). But I found that in the early years I was so wrapped up in being a mom and a wife (from the domestic aspect) that I forgot what it felt like to be the other side of me (the romantic ravishing side of me).

In the beginning I thought nothing of giving my everything to my children, after all, they were my life. Yet over time I began to realize that I had actually given up some things that mattered to me personally such as writing or sculpting, or even pursuing some random dreams that I once had. I wouldn't say that it was a sacrifice, because that is not what it felt like. After all, I had the American dream, really. Yet somehow there was something missing. I felt incomplete and even the passion in my marriage had died out to a large degree. Of course we still loved each other, but not in any passionate or romantic way, but more like a pair of comfortable old jeans.

Luckily I realized what was happening when the children were still young enough not to notice. When my youngest was 3 years old, we decided to try our hand at a business together. This was wonderful for all of us because it gave me a creative outlet and a chance to become what I'd dreamed of while still having my family close by. But something magical and unexpected came about from this as well. Suddenly Grant and I had so much more to talk about, to plan about, to dream about. We started going on dates once a week on Saturday night so that we could have our grown up time. Sometimes we'd talk about the business, but most of the time we'd talk about the future and our dreams and aspirations. We'd both dress up a little and we'd flirt throughout the night. Nothing forced, just a natural playfulness and a subtle promise that someone was getting lucky tonight.

We've been married for almost 19 years as of this writing, and we still go on a date every Saturday night. Sometimes it's a double date with friends, but it's always our time to be grown ups for the evening. I still dress a little sassy and he still checks me out as I'm getting ready. I still flirt with him throughout the night and he still knows that after all these years if he plays his cards right, he might get lucky.